Fuck Iowa

Christopher Hitchens has an interesting article in Slate about how a lot of ethnic hatred is between groups that are very similar to each other, and that it's the tiny discrepancies between the groups that spark the bigotry.  He says that Sigmund Freud called this "the narcissism of the small difference".

If this is narcissism, it's probably of the self-loathing variety.  As a Wisconsinite, I gotta say I fucking hate those dumb Iowa hicks.  Every time the Badgers lose to the Hawkeyes, it's a disgrace to the entire state, because as far as I'm concerned, Iowa shouldn't even have college.  Instead, someone from the government should just go in and tell them not to fuck the livestock.  Being good at football and basketball is sort of a proxy for "urban-ness", so it's pathetic to lose to them.  I don't know how those fucking racists convince black guys to play for their teams, it makes less sense than Alan Keyes. 

One thing that really pisses me off though is that our football coach is a former Hawkeye; knowing that fact, it's impossible to look at the guy without noticing what a redneck moron he is.  Of course, I forget he's from Iowa whenever the team is winning.

He's not one of us, at the moment.

To someone from the coasts, hearing a Wisconsinite call all Iowans dumb hicks is probably like when the average (white) American finds out that Peurto Ricans hate Mexicans:  "What!?  You mean there's a difference?  We treat them all like shit!"  Maybe I should feel solidarity with the Iowans, maybe we should band together and overthrow the condescending coastal elite, but that will never happen, because I can't stand being lumped in with those fucking hayseeds.  As the GZA once said, "you break the mirror that reminds you of the ugliness."

Our state motto is forward, unfortunately our idea of progress is a cow, a cheese wheel, and an ear of corn.