Top Slot

 There can be only one alpha male; Matthew McConaughey and Gerard Butler vie for the top slot (Alba) in this riveting romantic thriller. 

In an effort to impress Jessica Alba, these two assholes spend tens of thousands of dollars on personality accessories such as:

• European Style Tennis Shoes
• DVD Collections
• Books for Their Shelves
• Concert Experiences
• Vacation Resumes
• Restaurant Opinions
• Tools

They fight over everything, including which venues are most suitable for competition; these areas of disagreement include:

• Which profession has more status, how to define professional success, whether or not income is a relevant metric of success.
• Whether there are multiple types of intelligence, if so, which types of intelligence should carry more weight, whether hand-eye coordination is a type of intelligence.
• Which sports require more athleticism, how you define athleticism, whether or not hand-eye coordination is considered athleticism.
• Whether silly is a valid form of funny, whether its more important to be funny or clever, whether or not cleverness can be measured objectively.
• Whether or not its all relative, whether or not everything's subjective, whether or not everything's a gray area.

Ultimately, only one person can decide who ends up in the top slot; will Jessica choose Gerard or Matthew, or will she wind up with the mousy lesbian who works at the deli?