Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Secret Warrior

Why do people act like being passive aggressive is a good thing?  Why is being too scared to speak your mind considered classier than being forthright?  It doesn't make you clever, it doesn't make you sophisticated, and it shouldn't allow you to call yourself a "pretty nice guy".  It just means you're both a dick and a pussy, and unfortunately the two don't cancel each other out:


Despite all this, the passive-aggressive asshole is the fastest growing demographic in society (not going to name any names, but you motherfuckers know who you are), and to capitalize on this trend, someone needs to make the following movie:

The Secret Warrior 

Clive Owen stars as an ex-office worker, turned CIA, who infiltrates Al Qaeda and gets close to bin Laden.  He talks shit behind people's back, shows up later than he says he will, does a lot of eye-rolling, and makes what are (in context) extremely veiled insults:

 
Yeah, bin, that'll definitely get you into Heaven.

At the end of the movie, after shaving his beard, Clive accepts The Medal of Honor, and gives a speech before Congress:

"Now, I'm a pretty non-confrontational person..."

Applause


"But I'm pretty sure I let this guy know how I feel, I'm pretty sure he picked up on it..."  


Applause

"But it's not like he can do anything about it, he can't acknowledge it or anything without looking like an asshole, right?  But yeah, if it didn't get through to him its because he's a moron, and either way I feel a lot better about myself."

Applause

Applause.

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