The Smash Fairy

Parents like to tell their kids that if they're bad, Santa will give them coal; kids are too stupid to connect real-life consequences to their actions, so they need to believe there's an Omniscient Being looking to punish them when they do wrong.  There are a lot of adults who could use similar guidance (religion isn't cutting it), so its time to create some new myths to keep people in line, starting with this film right here:

The Smash Fairy

The Smash Fairy stars Richard Gere as an investigative reporter.  As he's passing through a town in the Appalachian Mountains, he stops off at a bar and hears tell of a supernatural creature living up in the hills.  Supposedly, if people get too drunk and drive home, The Smash Fairy fucks up their vehicle.  No one's ever been able to document The Smash Fairy, but in the morning, or sometimes right after the attacks, the evidence is clear to see; some people have even been killed.

"Shit, must've been drunk last night, fuckin' Smash Fairy got me again."

 Richard Gere decides to get to the bottom of the mystery.  That night he gets drunk and drives around looking for the supernatural creature. 

He doesn't find The Smash Fairy; The Smash Fairy finds him.

The next morning, after he locates his vehicle, he realizes he can't do it alone.

He approaches one of the locals, and convinces him to join the pursuit. 

"You wanna get smashed?"

Gere vows to stay sober so that he'll remember what happens; he decides to stick to beer.

 

His friend, however, has committed himself to being "drunk on a whole 'nother level".

Tragically, the confrontation with The Fairy was so violent that Gere's friend is killed, and Gere has no memory of what happened due to a minor head injury.

Gere's pursuit is threatening to consume him, and the local Woman Sheriff vows to arrest him if he continues on his quest.  

 Gere is undeterred.  He realizes he needs as many witnesses as possible for the next confrontation.  This time, The Fairy will be spotted, at least by someone, if not Gere.  That night, he gets drunker than ever and directs his search to the busiest section of town.  

Gere causes a thirty-seven car pile-up; in the confusion, the Smash Fairy somehow eludes capture.

The End.